the heat. or the heat and the work. or the lack of work. or a wisdom that comes with age. maybe just the heat. yeah, the heat. it has put me in a quieter place than i'm used to. as if it's been my responsibility to talk. to stand on a stage and talk. to entertain. to keep the mood light. to make sure everyone is smiling. no one goes home early. the spotlight burned my retinas and the crowd applauded now and again. i talked my way through hours and days, and brought on lots of special guests. and finally, the chairs are stacked. there's a guy in the back of the place sweeping, and he's not talking either. i like him. and we are quiet. and i can be tired, and it's okay. and i can loosen my collar and sit down, and slowly sip something cool and fizzy for my dry throat.

and in this place, i can take off the costume and slide into my skin again. it's nice to sit here and reflect.

if i had wishes at this tiny moment, they would be these:

1. for the company of a woman i cannot quite place

2. to be in that moment at the very end of a good massage

3. to know something exciting is happening tomorrow, to have tonight to look forward to it.

wishes always come in threes, right?

ok, i would also wish for a dallop of chocolate mousse on top of a perfect coconut pie.

ok, enough of all that. i'm going back to the lovely calm in my head.